Hi, I’m Jeanna

Online Recovery Coach here to help you get your life back.

An Online Recovery Coach Can Help You Tell Your Story

The great thing about telling our stories is that it releases us from our shame,  builds a connection, and helps make meaning of our experiences.

Stories from thousands of years ago can be found on caves in France, tombs in Egypt, and on papyrus tucked in the mouths of alligator remains.

So, here’s my story and how I became an online recovery coach. 

What It Was Like

 

As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I felt that the only way to make sense of my experience was to help other people make sense of theirs. I have lived my life that way, but I didn’t really do it well for a long time.

I had a wonderful life—a husband and two children, an amazing education, a career as a professor, and a ranch-style home with farm animals and a dog. I lived dream life, but I felt miserable.

When I wasn’t sad, I was empty. Even though I surrounded with people, I still felt lonely. I kept myself so busy that I didn’t have time to breathe, but my brain continued to race with things from the past. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.

I tried making changes to the outside. My weight had reached an all-time high of 282 pounds, so I had gastric bypass. I lost weight and had breast augmentation to put things back in place except I found myself standing in the mirror one day with a knife to my breast wanting to cut the implants out.

Wanting to find relief, I started drinking. It took away the emptiness, loneliness, and boredom. It also took away the home, husband, and career. I had lost everything, including the respect of my children. Then I lost one of them.

Rock Bottom but Still Digging

 

In February 2018, my son committed suicide. I felt so much shame. Maybe if I weren’t drinking he would have called me for help. Maybe I was modeling how truly fucked up life could be. Could my behavior have added to his tendency to slip into depression? If weren’t a drunk, I might have been more available to see his pain.

For the next seven months, I drank hard, smoked marijuana, and took sleeping pills just so I wouldn’t have to lay in bed and imagine what he went through. I didn’t want to see those horrible images, but they kept filling my head.

What I Did

One morning I woke up really scared of who I had become, and I decided to go to an AA meeting. I called my daughter to have her take me to my car because, well, I had left it at the bar the night before. When we got there, I told her I was sorry but that everything would change. I haven’t had a drink since, and everything has changed.

Ten days after getting sober, I went on a weekend beach camping trip alone. I needed to be around people in case I wanted to drink, but I had a purpose. I wanted to get in touch with me. That weekend I meditated, went to meetings, read recovery books,  and wrote in my journal.

It was amazing.

I meditated not having the slightest idea how. Tears poured out as I forgave my son and asked him to forgive me. I told him how angry I was, how much I missed him, and that I loved him. On the inside, I felt his love. And shit, it still really does hurt. In this meditation, I felt everything at once. The range of emotions after spending so many years with only anger overwhelmed me. To feel happy and sad at the same moment, I didn’t even know that was possible, but I did feel it.

Finding My Purpose as an Online Sober Coach

Then another amazing thing happened that weekend. I went to an AA meeting on the beach lit only by the stars and Tiki torches. The readings were spoken from memory. During the meeting, someone said that he thought of his experience as a gift given to him, so he could give that gift to others. When people say life happens for you instead of to you, that’s what they mean.

That’s when I knew what I would do. I didn’t know how, and I had a lot of self-work ahead of me, but I knew. I would become an online recovery coach, so I could help women like me recover from trauma and alcoholism.

What It’s Like Now

Today, my partner and I have a podcast, Back Porch Chats, that helps people understand the connection between trauma and addiction. We talk about grief, childhood abuse, feelings, addiction, and anything else that we find helpful, and we invite others on to tell their stories. We also work with families in recovery because we believe that the best path to sobriety is through recovery.

And me?

I have worked hard to get to skills as an online recovery coach, so I can make meaning of my experiences. Today, I live free from alcohol, free from self-hatred,  and free from that empty lonely feeling. With the help of a strong support system, therapy, and a lot of self-care, I have recovered from a big chunk of my past and found a purpose–one that gives meaning to the trauma I had to face.

For the first time in my life, I feel whole.

Online recovery coach

I have worked hard to get to skills as an online recovery coach, so I can make meaning of my experiences. Today, I live free from alcohol, free from self-hatred,  and free from that empty lonely feeling. With the help of a strong support system, therapy, and a lot of self-care, I have recovered from a big chunk of my past and found a purpose–one that gives meaning to the trauma I had to face.

For the first time in my life, I feel whole.

If you would like what I have, book a FREE appointment to talk to me,

 

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